Urban Vancouver

I’m feeling better (well enough, in fact, to blog!) and thought I’d give my millions of devoted readers (both of you; did I mention I had two million readers? Well, two million people of whom one point seven came here looking for Beaver Shots and went away confused, which is something, anyway) some clue as to what I’ve been going through.

As happens each year at the turning of the seasons, when the sun looks at Vancouver and turns, in fact, away completely, tossing a heartless “see you in May” over its shoulder as it heads to California, the rains have set in and that means that the mold, the mildew, the emos and the creepy-crawlies are ascendant.

All of these, with the exception of emos (because I hate clove cigarettes) can, according to my doctor, be found in my lungs at the present time.

My lungs, in fact, look something like this:

The fungus Pilobolus fires off its sporangiophore using a water cannon or “squirt gun,” reaching accelerations that are among the fastest in nature.

Here we present a montage of high-speed video clips showing sporangiophore discharge in the fungus Pilobolus kleinii. The videos were obtained at camera frame rates of up to 250,000 fps. Each discharge is completed in less than 0.25 milliseconds; an eye blink takes 100 milliseconds, or 400 times longer! The music is Verdi’s Anvil Chorus.

For more information, click here.

Anvil Chorus and all.

Oh, yes, and I forgot to mention that yesterday, when I sat down to blog, I was bitten on the ass by an Aggressive House Spider. They don’t call them that for nothing, and that was the reason I ended up smearing toothpaste on my butt at two in the morning.

What? What? It draws the poison out.

Although the Co-op where I live has improved things somewhat in the last year, tacking a new roof on so the water hardly ever wells up through my carpet anymore and disposing of the large areas of ceiling which had rotted through and caved in on the second floor (it’s a four-story building) and even carting away some of the drywall in the lobby where the mildew had eaten through, things here cannot be said to be spore-free.

And my lungs, scarred by some mystery illness when I was a baby, have never been the best (every time I get a chest X-ray they look all concerned until I say “oh, is this about the scar tissue? Check the records”). And there is, as there always is, a flu/cold/virus of doom going around Vancouver which knocks everyone on their asses for a week or so.

And so.

Put all these things together and you get someone who’s been running a temperature for nearly three weeks, appears to be unable to fully digest food of any kind, has essentially no appetite, produces her own body weight in mucus every eighteen hours, and coughs like that guy…that guy at the theatre…that one everyone hated by fifteen minutes into the flick. If I ever get this money I’m owed, I’m trotting straight down to Canadian Tire and buying one of those combo heater/dehumidifiers/air filters, and there goes three hundred bucks but it’s worth it.

Which is why I’m staying home tonight instead of going out to a social activist/geek event three blocks from my house featuring free booze.

Yes. I said free booze.

That’s how sick I am.

Posted in Blogging, Canada, Fearless City, geek, gross, raincoaster, rants, sad, Science, Vancouver      

I be illin’, yo. Doctors orders: no blogging. Not kidding. Laters.

Posted in Culture      

Posted 8-15-08. Hmmmmmmm. What does Married to the Sea know that Jim Cramer doesn’t?

Posted in Allegory, Bailout, capitalism, comics, Culture, economics, Emergency, government, humor, Humour, Justice, Politics, U.S.      

Okay, so this isn’t going to be the most SEO-pimped-out post I’ve ever made. Still, it’s an amazing pic and everyone should see it and hear the backstory from WalkingTurcotYards, backstory which is both poignant and amazing:

Posted in 30's, Allegory, Canada, Historical, Lush Life, marketing, Montreal, Street Art, Weird, Work      

Yes, oh anonymous internet quiz, I shall obey. Just as soon as I have the $155 I owe the last GOOD hairdresser to touch my head, plus another $155 to fix the sandy blonde-brown mess the last one made. Sigh.

Your Hair Should Be Red

You are a passionate person… both in love and in life.

You have many causes that are important to you. You can be very intense.

You are very fiery. You speak up, and you don’t mince words.

You also have a very flamboyant personality. You love to show off.

You are both eccentric and expressive. You like to share your unique point of view.

You can become quite impassioned. So impassioned that you can seem a little overbearing.
What Color Hair Should You Have? Posted in beauty, humor, Humour, Lush Life, meme, Quizzes and tests, raincoaster, sad      

2,000,077 hits

ZOMG! I’m a double millionaire!

Posted in Culture      

With posters like this:

I think I can hardly be blamed for getting my hopes up. Naturally (inevitably) I was disappointed when, once again, the tentacled shot put failed to make it as even a mere exhibition sport.

I’d show him where to put it, that’s for sure!

Posted in Allegory, Culture, humor, Humour, octopus, Olympics, sad, Sports, Squid, Weird      

Passed along from NagOnTheLake by Metro, here is a thoughtful autobiographical essay by Howard Zinn, a former soldier and current thought leader (what we used to call philosopher, before we decided that old words were old-fashioned).

Posted in Afghanistan, animation, Culture, economics, government, Historical, Iran, Iraq, Justice, news, Osama bin Laden, philosophy, Politics, terrorism, U.S., War, YouTube      

What Your Socks Say About You

You Are:

- Quite delightful

- Very colorful

- Known as marvelous

- A zany person The Socks Personality Test

Yes. Yes, I am.

Posted in Allegory, fashion, meme, Quizzes and tests      

For as long as I can remember (which, at my age, admittedly isn’t very long, perhaps twenty minutes at a time and then I need to take my rememberer out and let it cool down for awhile) on this blog the #1 post in terms of hits, year after year, has been Britney Spears Sex Tape, which, once I realized wasn’t Britney in it at all but rather someone else who looked like Honeymoon Britney (which many people would watch happily, I’m sure, over and over, the way they close their eyes and think of The Country or The Postman or The Hot Guy In Marketing Who Wears Those European Suits) I edited the title of to read Britney Spears (?) Sex Tape but it made no difference: they still kept coming.

So to speak.

Which reminds me of the ad I saw yesterday at the Skytrain station; the first ad for an “adult recreation” product I’ve seen in a mainstream location. It was for something called Stallion, and it was unspecific to the point of complete opacity. Basically, it just said “Men, buy this stuff right now.” That’s how I figured out it was dirty.

For I am way clever, yo.

But as I was standing there, running over all the stallion references in my head (alas, I’m not in top form when I’m on Concact-C, for the only thing I could think of was Bill and Ted’s band Wyld Stallyns) I saw some fine print at the bottom of the ad, and if there’s one thing I love, it’s fine print on adult product ads. No, really.

“Product contains Lidocaine.”

Topical anaesthetic. It’s the stuff I spray on my legs before waxing, to deaden the pain.

Whoa!

But (and not to make an abrupt transition, but whatever) now we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have encountered a phenomenon more powerful than a sloppy ersatz-Britney blowjob.

Behold the power of Banksy in Birmingham:

Banksy stats, baby!

And yes, that baseline is 2,000, not zero.

Posted in Art, Banksy, Blogging, Britney Spears, Celebrity, Culture, Fans, geek, meme, Operation Global Media Domination, raincoaster, statistics, Wordpress      

Posted in bigotry, Culture, Etiquette, Hoaxes, humor, Humour, Politics, Weird      

These are trying times, my friends. Even seasoned heros are finding themselves facing unimagined and unimaginable terrors as investment bankers endure periods of joblessness lasting up to three or even four days (psyche! everybody with a bonus of over $5k keeps their jobs) and the American economy craters.

In times like these, sacrifices must be made! One must prioritize! Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!

John McCain is giving up meeting Bono and going on Letterman.

What great and terrible sacrifices will you make? Responses in the comments section, and pass the meme along in a post (with attribution) if you so desire.

Me? I’m giving up laundry. And paying attention to John McCain.

Posted in anarchy, capitalism, Culture, economics, Election, government, humor, Humour, Irony, meme, news, Politics, Quizzes and tests, sad, U.S., Weird      

The Dark Bailout!

Here’s a brilliant idea: since the US government just announced they’ll use $700,000,000,000 yes, seven hundred BILLION dollars, to buy junk assets, this site, BuyMyShitPile has decided to let the people market their crap directly to the government, no middle man required! As anyone who has seen the interior of my apartment can attest, I’ll be a bajillionaire in no time! Party at raincoaster’s!!!

In an easily-predicted fallout effect, thousands upon thousands of now-unemployed and unemployable investment bankers are paying an underground network of so-called “Snakeheads” thousands of dollars to smuggle them across the border to job-rich havens in Mexico and Canada.

“I grew up in America and I love my country, but Lord knows, I have to make a living,” Peter Starmeyer, 38, says from the makeshift plywood and cardboard shanty he now calls home on Toronto’s increasingly seedy west side.

“When Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and I lost my job, I had no other choice. The only way for me to keep living the American dream was to move to Canada where businesses value and respect workers and try to help them hold on to their jobs.”

Seven better uses for $700,000,000,000 from (of all places) Forbes and no, that’s not too many zeros. The number is so big most media outlets are abbreviating it!

1. infrastructure
2. guilt-free electricity
3. healthcare
4. ecological action
5. education,
6. port expansion,
7. defence

The email outrage in Wired:

An e-mail that began as a rallying cry from a lone journalist to an influential circle of friends to protest the U.S. government bailout of Wall Street has ignited a national day of street protests. Some demonstrators plan to dump their rubbish in front of the bronze bull sculpture near Wall Street in downtown Manhattan Thursday.

“People are going to bring their own personal junk that they think is worth as much as the junk financial instruments that the government is proposing to buy from the Wall Street banks,” says Andrew Boyd, an activist and freelance online-video artist for nonprofit groups in Manhattan. “We’re hoping that people show up with their 8-track cassette collections, their old Spice Girl CDs, their surf boards that got bit by sharks and old Enron stock certificates.”

And the email itself, right here on WordPress:

Everyone,

This week the White House is going to try to push through the biggest robbery in world history with nary a stitch of debate to bail out the Wall Street bastards who created this economic apocalypse in the first place.

This is the financial equivalent of September 11. They think, just like with the Patriot Act, they can use the shock to force through the “therapy,” and we’ll just roll over!

Think about it: They said providing healthcare for 9 million children, perhaps costing $6 billion a year, was too expensive, but there’s evidently no sum of money large enough that will sate the Wall Street pigs. If this passes, forget about any money for environmental protection, to counter global warming, for education, for national healthcare, to rebuild our decaying infrastructure, for alternative energy.

This is a historic moment. We need to act now while we can influence the debate. Let’s demonstrate this Thursday at 4pm in Wall Street (see below).

We know the congressional Democrats will peep meekly before caving in like they have on everything else, from FISA to the Iraq War.

With Bear Stearns, Fannie and Freddie, AIG, the money markets and now this omnibus bailout, well in excess of $1 trillion will be distributed from the poor, workers and middle class to the scum floating on top.

This whole mess gives lie to the free market. The Feds are propping up stock prices, directing buyouts, subsidizing crooks and swindlers who already made a killing off the mortgage bubble.

Worst of all, even before any details have been hashed out, The New York Times admits that “Wall Street began looking for ways to profit from it,” and its chief financial correspondent writes that the Bush administration wants “Congress to give them a blank check to do whatever they want, whatever the cost, with no one able to watch them closely.”

It’s socialism for the rich and dog-eat-dog capitalism for the rest of us.

Let’s take it to the heart of the financial district! Gather at 4pm, this Thursday, Sept. 25 in the plaza at the southern end of Bowling Green Park, which is the small triangular park that has the Wall Street bull at the northern tip.

By having it later in the day we can show these thieves, as they leave work, we’re not their suckers. Plus, anyone who can’t get off work can still join us downtown as soon as they are able.

There is no agenda, no leaders, no organizing group, nothing to endorse other than we’re not going to pay! Let the bondholders pay, let the banks pay, let those who brought the “toxic” mortgage-backed securities pay!

On this list are many key organizers and activists. We have a huge amount of connections – we all know many other organizations, activists and community groups. We know P.R. folk who can quickly write up and distribute press releases, those who can contact legal observers, media activists who can spread the word, the videographers who can film the event, etc.

Do whatever you can – make and distribute your own flyers, contact all your groups and friends. This crime is without precedence and we can’t be silent! What’s the point of waiting for someone else to organize a protest two months from now, long after the crime has been perpetrated?

We have everything we need to create a large, peaceful, loud demonstration. Millions of others must feel the same way; they just don’t know what to do. Let’s take the lead and make this the start!

AGAIN:
When: 4pm – ? Thursday, September 25.
Where: Southern end of Bowling Green Park, in the plaza area
What to bring: Banners, noisemakers, signs, leaflets, etc.
Why: To say we won’t pay for the Wall Street bailout
Who: Everyone!

Should be any minute now…

Posted in Bailout, capitalism, Culture, economics, Emergency, government, humor, Humour, Justice, mashups, news, Politics, real estate, U.S.      

Posted in fish, humor, Humour, lol      

I’m on cold medicine, stoned to the gills, so bear with me here.b Just filli in the blanks like a Choose Your Own Sad Scary Nekkid Clown ADFdventure.

black velvet sad/scary clown gallery

Clowns get naked for charity calendar

Something, John Wayne CGacy, something Emmet Kelly, something Jodie Foster no that’s too far I take the Jodie back, drag queen, xclowqn fetish, clown photbia okay, duty done I’m outta here.

Posted in Culture, Entertainment, Etiquette, fetish, horror, humor, Humour, Porn, sad, Weird      

Yes, I Faced My Manga, just like everyone else on Earth, and I shall never be the same.

BEHOLD!

Posted in animation, Cthulhu, Culture, Facebook, geek, horror, humor, Humour, mashups, social media, Twitter      

Still on vacation, and feel this way myself. Dear god, when are they going to adapt the insulin pump for caffeine????

Posted in Culture      

Awwwww, isn’t Little Gordon here adorable? A chip off the old blockhead! If Cthulhu and I ever had a love/hatefuck child, he’d turn out just like this, I’m sure.

You can watch all three videos over at TeenyManolo, yo.

Ugh.

Work.

It’s 3:37am and I just finished my work, which wouldn’t be so bad except that I started at 9am yesterday.

At least with all the salt mining I may be able to buy a faster computer!