Urban Vancouver

“The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything.” - Denis Waitley

Carrie says: I never thought I would get a tattoo; however I am turning 50 in a couple of weeks and I can’t think of a more precious reminder of my years shared with my twin sister than designing and getting a Simple Treasure tattoo for us.  

Jessica says: I want to travel without a guidebook or watch. I’ve always been so focused on my career that I never took time to travel — I didn’t even go abroad in college! This year, I’m going across the ocean.  

C&D co-founder, Danielle LaPorte, is hard at work on her new book, so our Editor, Jessica DiGiacinto, is joining Carrie on the Daily Q&A.

If you’d like to appear in the Daily, simply send us an email with your suggested question for our readers. The best suggestions will be published on our website and in the Daily email. We get lots of email so aren’t always able to reply, but we really do read everything we receive!

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You may have noticed that today’s Q&A features C&D’s lovely new Editor, Jessica DiGiacinto, who has been guiding our content since mid-December. This change is the beginning of my transition away from day-to-day involvement with C&D.

About four years ago, we started C&D with no money and a lot of ambition (in an old apartment that was so cold in the winter we wore mittens inside). Jump cut to now: Style Statement is working its magic in the world and Carrie and Danielle, Inc. is on its way to becoming a successful web company. Plenty of opportunities are knocking.

The strongest knocking for me is to write my next book. It’s a burning in my heart that I must give oxygen to.

Now that C&D is humming with other great contributors, I can do just that. I’ll keep a toe in the C&D content pool, but I feel a deep call to focus on writing about spiritual principals…a spirituality that, practically speaking, kicks ass of course.

I’ve also been missing the healthy high I used to get from helping other women entrepreneurs strategize their dreams - so I’m going to start offering, on a very exclusive basis, some business development “jam sessions” for entrepreneurs at all levels, and creative types who want to turn their art into a business.

What I know to be true is that when you heed those deep creative inklings – even if the change demands you to stretch to new dimensions – beauty emerges. Always. I’m grateful for all that’s been and all that’s to come.

You can find me at d@daniellelaporte.com and at my new website, White Hot Truth.

My Love,
Danielle

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“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.” - Pablo Casals

Carrie says: A cup of tea for me at the beginning of the day, a tub run for me at the end of the day. A hand written note from a loved one for no reason. Listening, Listening, Listening.  

Jessica says: Woken up by a smile, lots of shared laughter, touching, and tea prepared just the way I like it in the afternoon…Surrounded by warmth, espescially this time of year!  

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“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.” - Harold Kushner

Carrie says: I would like to write about living with less, with purity: simplicity without extraneous material, spiritually and physically. A possible documentary in there!  

Danielle says: I think I’ve got at least six more books in me. Examining your beliefs. Proclaiming your truth. Creativity. Entrepreneurship….  

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I am fascinated by love letters. They’re full of passion and longing and vulnerability. When it comes to this topic, I am still an adolescent drawn to drama and unrequited love. My own history has something to do with it. As a teenager, I received letters from a married teacher 20 years my senior (who I had a major crush on which of course escalated the drama) and as a college student I received long fervent letters from a spurned boyfriend. I saved these letters longer into my 18 year old marriage than I care to admit!

Writing is such sweet sorrow

My obsession has also been fueled by plays, movies and songs:

“Un ramito de violetas”- the song
Evangelina Sobredo Galanes was a Spanish songwriter who wrote this haunting song about a woman who, for years, receives anonymous flowers and poems from a man who turns out to be her husband. She never realizes that the man of her dreams is in fact the man she married. She is blind to his deep romantic nature, a nature she craves. He is unable to show his true self to his wife with whom he is desperately in love. The song ends in silent suffering.

Love Letters — the movie
The 1945 movie of this name was scripted by Ayn Rand. The New York Times panned it when it first appeared. Yet the story offers the drama I relish — a soldier in Italy writes love letters to a woman on behalf of his friend, and inevitably the soldier falls in love with the woman. The friend dies. Will the true lovers ever meet?

Love Letters — the play
The play, written in 1998 by A. R Guerney, captures the pathos of two people who love each other and spend a life time in letters figuring that out.

Put Your Love in Writing

My husband and I dated for 7 years. During our on-again off-again relationship, we both wrote our share of ache filled letters. And then we got married. Now we occasionally write cards with a heartfelt wish, but the drama is gone. We tend toward humor these days.

For me, love letters will always be for the forlorn.

How about you? Have your own fascination with these emotions on a page?

[Photo by lepiaf.geo]

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Vira wha?

Virabhadra = A legendary warrior, metaphorically fighting self-ignorance
Asana = posture, seat, connection to earth

Benefits

1. Strengthens the shoulders and arms
2. Strengthens and stretches the thighs, calves and ankles
3. Strengthens the core

What to Watch Out For

Be careful in this pose if you have high blood pressure, heart problems, or neck problems (look straight ahead instead of up at your hands).

Step by Step

As in all yoga postures, the breath is vital. I’ve written more here on how to breathe yogically.

1. From Downward Facing [Dog/Adho Mukha Svanasana), inhale, bend your knees and step your right foot forward, about one leg’s length away from your back foot. Exhale here, and then inhale up into a standing posture, legs planted wide.

2. Wiggle your feet apart, until they’re standing on two imaginary train tracks, still one leg’s distance apart. Angle the back foot in line with the direction of the knee, and the front foot parallel with the long edge of your mat. Spread your toes.

3. Square your hip bones to the front of your mat.

4. Exhale and sink your hips down towards the earth as you bend just your front knee—directly over your front ankle. Check out your toes and see if you can see your front foot big toe inside your bent knee. Tip your pelvis so your pubic bone comes forward, drawing your belly button in to strengthen your core.

5. Inhale and lift your hands to the sky, letting your shoulders drop, pressing your palms together only if your shoulders are injury-free. You can look up at your hands if that works for your neck.

6. Breathe deeply here.

Off The Mat

This pose can challenge our balance and leg strength. Often, our mind jumps in with thoughts like, “This is too hard. I want out now. I can’t do this.” But when we stay, and breathe, we learn that we can. This is a powerful lesson we can take off the mat.

What changes have you felt in your everyday life, as a result of exercise?

[Photo by judepics]

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The mole sisters were thinking.
“Who are we?”
“Good question,” they said.
–Roslyn Schwartz, The Mole Sisters and the Question

Human beings are complicated. We don’t fit easily into buckets, literal or metaphorical. And yet, there’s something appealing about saying “I’m part of this group over here. Here’s my little pigeon-hole. This is where I belong.”

I can still remember my very first Seventeen magazine. I was thirteen. “What’s Your Style?” read the headline. I examined the photos carefully. Punk just looked ugly to me. Glam was way too sexy for a teenager who was hoping her boobs would stop at an A-cup. As the least athletic person I knew (I once found an honest-to-goodness four leafed clover while playing outfield in a baseball game), I definitely wasn’t Sporty. So, the answer: I was Preppy. I felt the warm glow of belonging as I studied Jennifer Connoly’s walking shorts, headband, and ankle socks. I had found my first bucket.

As I grew up, I found more buckets. Magazine quizzes, self-help books, psychological tests, all offering to give me insight into my true self after answering a few questions. If you answered B to 4 or more questions, you’re a…. ‘nother bucket dweller.

None of the buckets helped me that much. Sometimes they gave me some insight into one aspect of myself or another, but they rarely gave me the soul-knowledge I was looking for. I always found myself wondering about my bucket mates: how similar were we, really?

Style Statement is different. There are no multiple choice questions, no scoring key. Just a pile of thoughtful, intriguing questions, some of which stopped me in my tracks. There are no easy answers, and no buckets. Yes, there are some suggested words in the back, but there are literally thousands of possible combination of Foundation and Creative Edge words. And if their words don’t speak to you, Carrie and Danielle suggest you find your own.

Style Statement isn’t about putting you in a bucket. The point is not to assign you to a group and then tell you about the group. The point is to help you name two pieces of your own self, two pieces that may or may not exist in harmony, two pieces that affect what you do and how you feel about it, two pieces that need to be honored in order to live an authentic life.

My two parts are called Creative and Joy. Are there other Creative Joys out there? I don’t really care, because I’m sure Creative Joy means something slightly different to them than it does to me. Which is exactly as it should be. Carrie and Danielle’s definition of Creative in the back of the book was helpful, but only as a confirmation of what I already knew, what I had uncovered in answering their questions and sifting through my answers.

It’s a lovely world when you’re not sitting in a bucket.

[Photo by kabils]

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You’ve come a long way, baby.

We most certainly have. Powerful female role models, (relatively) equal pay, televised tampon commercials, and the freedom to wear pants. On top of it all, the ability to pursue a career — any career. We’re supposed to embrace that freedom and power, carve out own way in the world, make our own money. All by ourselves. Without help, and surely, without the help of a man.

I will leave the serious dissertations on modern feminism to others — the justification of the housewife, the resurgence of the stay at home mom, being valued for cherishing the role of mothers, placing family above career… That is an ideological debate on values, femininity, freedom of choice, and power.

This article is on money.

While I embrace my self-reliant, self-assured Alpha Woman ideal, allow me to fantasize about “the good life” and play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Marry For Money?

Go ahead, scoff at your Anna Nicole Smiths, your Heather Millses, your Kevin Federlines. But let’s have a look at the positive side. After all, marrying for money can’t be all bad, can it?

For starters, you can quit your day job. Come on, you know you want to. Unless you’re in some wildly fantastic position like Oprah or Jennifer Lopez or Hilary Clinton, you’re probably in a less-than-perfect professional scenario. Well, now that you’ve married Mr. Big, you can finally tell your boss what time it is. Besides, isn’t working overrated and unnatural? Imagine having the choice between lounging on the beach drinking Mai Tais, or sitting in your uncomfortable, non-ergonomic chair in a stuffy office with mediocre coffee and hospital lighting. Which would you prefer?

No Career Needed

Many of us want a career. Many of us also have our doubts about working. It’s exhausting. It often not something we heartily love doing. There are office politics to grapple with, dress codes to consider at six o’clock in the morning, ethical dilemmas to negotiate, unsavory commutes to endure. Many women around the world work. But they don’t have the luxury of envisioning the perfect career. They toil out of necessity. And here we are choosing it. Here’s a thought: if you have the option, let somebody else pay your bills while you sit back and watch The View.

Although I don’t want to sound like a fifties throwback—making sure you have hot dinners waiting for your man every night —I am a proponent of contributing to the world in bigger ways than punching the clock. I’m not authorizing soap operas and apathy, or condoning lazing ‘round the house and eating bon bons. Well…maybe the bon bons. They’re awfully tasty.

Free Stuff is Good

Next off on marrying rich, you get free stuff. What would normally take you five weeks of eight-hour days is now yours in an instant. Presto. Want those new red-soled Christian Louboutins? They’re yours. Always fantasize about a trip to Tahiti? Take it. That dream house in Aspen? When can you move in? No more schlepping required. (Sure, you might have to pay for it with a few positive reaffirmations in the boudoir, but isn’t that so much easier than dealing with the unwashed masses during your morning commute?)

Just follow the trajectory. First, maybe you’re in it for the free food. Who doesn’t like to get taken out to fancy restaurants for gourmet dinners and expensive wine? After a while, maybe you get used to not doing anything, which is pretty boring. But on the flip side, he pays for everything. Suddenly, you find yourself married. But not to worry. He paid for that too.

And last but not least, we have what I feel is the ultimate benefit of and rationale for marrying a fiscally well-endowed man. We all know that women tend to generally live longer than men. With plenty of money in the bank, you can put him in a home when he becomes incontinent, instead of changing his diapers yourself. Heck, that’s reason enough.

Caviar, anyone?

[Photo by Print North East]

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Cooking with fresh herbs is sexy and always improves a day that starts out in a bad way. What makes it even more fun is if you know a bit more about the healing and magic qualities of Mother Earth’s herbal garden.

Basil, for example, is held as sacred in many different cultures all over the world. In India it was believed that if a leaf of basil was buried with a person, it would guarantee their passage to heaven. Basil is not only, in my opinion, the most delicious fresh herb on the planet, it’s also Nature’s Prozac…lifts the spirit, helps against depression, anxiety, and stress! Basil is an ancient symbol of Love and still today, in Romania, if a young woman offers a sprig of Basil to a man and he accepts it, they’re officially engaged*.

You can make Basil tea to give yourself a boost but I prefer to use it in stuffed peppers or my delicious veggie pasta sauce, a pick-me-up any day of the week (see recipe below)!

I you want to give yourself a more sensual kind of boost, you can make this amazing green salsa, brilliant with grilled vegetables but also with meat. Two powerful healing herbs make this salsa verde absolutely irresistible: Coriander and Parsley. Coriander was traditionally believed to be an aphrodisiac and science has later proved this to be true. It is estrogenic, so it not only vitalizes you sex life, it also regulates your hormonal balance. It stimulates when our physical energy is low and enhances creativity and memory. Parsley is a powerful antioxidant, prevents premenstrual bloating, cleanses your kidneys and of course…nature’s own breath freshener. In magic it is used for purification and protection.

Do yourself a favor, book an afternoon in the kitchen for some herbal therapy…

Sexy Salsa Verde

1/4-cup olive oil
2 tbsp white wine vinegar
1 tbsp lime juice
1 tsp chopped garlic
1 cup chopped green onions
1/2 cup chopped fresh coriander
1/2 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
1-2 seeded and coarsely chopped jalapeno peppers
1 cup sour cream
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Process the olive oil, vinegar, lime juice, garlic, green onions, coriander, parsley and jalapeno peppers in a food processor until combined but not completely smooth. Stir in sour cream. Season with salt and pepper.

Camilla Delish

2-3 tbsp olive oil
1 finely chopped onion
Tofu Ground Beef
1 small can of tomato puree
1 can of peeled tomatoes
1/2 tsp sambal oelek
2 garlic cloves
1 tbsp ketjap manis
Fresh Basil
3-4 tbsp creme fraiche
sea salt
freshly ground black pepper

Brown one finely chopped onion and Tofu Ground Beef in a couple of tablespoons of olive oil. Season with sea salt and freshly ground pepper. Add one small can of tomato puree, one can of peeled tomatoes (not the juice, only the tomatoes in chunks), half a teaspoon of sambal oelek, two squeezed garlic cloves, a splash of ketjap manis (a sweet soy sauce) and half a deciliter of water. Then…the Basil!

Finely chop about ten leaves and let them simmer with the sauce. Add 3-4 tablespoons of creme fraiche and salt & pepper to taste. Let it simmer for another ten minutes. Chop another handful of basil leaves and sprinkle over the pasta sauce before serving it, preferably with wholegrain spaghetti and loads of Parmesan cheese.

[*vitalisnews.blogspot]
[Photo by The Marmot]

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Berlin. A city, that while doused in so much history and character, had never really appealed to me as a destination stamp for my passport. I had never heard anyone say, “oh Berlin is amazing, there is so much beauty and personality to explore within that city you can’t help but fall in love,” but when a friend of mine suggested visiting Berlin I couldn’t help but became curious.

So, with slight reluctance and a great deal of curiosity I decided that Berlin was ready to be discovered.

The Brandenburg Gate is truly stunning, full of columns and an amazing architectural presence that really comes into it’s own at night when the area around the Gate is populated with tourists — many of whom enjoy horse and carriage rides around the city. A local tourist shop caught my eye and as I ventured in I was amazed at the imagery adorning the postcards for sale. Images of the Brandenburg Gate back in the day as the historical Berlin Wall, with barbed wire and armed guards, encaged it. I felt like my childhood Thundercat hero Liono with his “sight beyond sight” vision as my imagination began to run away with thoughts of how different my current surroundings used to be.

As we first caught sight of the 2,700 concrete slabs we simply stopped in our tracks to appreciate what was presented before us; we had reached the Jewish Holocaust Memorial Museum. The memorial is outstanding; you really couldn’t help but be amazed by the structure before you. As we walked amongst the vertical slabs in their grid formation, the path began to rise and fall, allowing the slabs to grow in stature and overpower us completely.

As we entered the museum and made our way around, I was overcome with emotion while reading letters by Jewish prisoners awaiting their death. Walking around the museum truly affected me and I couldn’t help but wonder why people could, or can, be so horrible to other people. We are all one race – the HUMAN RACE.

For a truly aerial view of the city we headed to the Reichstag Parliament building which houses a glass structure designed by Sir Norman Foster upon its roof. The view from up there was amazing and allowed us to completely visualize Berlin.

After a traditional currywurst lunch we found ourselves in the Mitte area of town, which is cluttered with vintage shops and uber cool cafes. The whole of the Mitte area is dressed with graffiti that is accepted as more artistic character and culture than a social nuisance, something I actually had to agree on as it did appear to add culture to this new world I was discovering.

The Eastside Gallery is a mile stretch of genuine Berlin Wall that in the words of Elton John screams “I’m Still Standing.” Walking along this piece of history and looking at the now iconic pieces of artwork that grace it was awe-inspiring; seeing the scale at which it stands truly drives home hard life must have been for those who longed for life with their separated family members on the other side.

Something I discovered towards the end of my trip was that Berlin isn’t all about its history. Venture from the beaten tourist paths and you can find cool hangouts to dance the night away, trendy cinema-style café houses where a local celebrity may grace you with their presence, and secret “so in they’re not even open yet” clothing stores.

[Photo by author]

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I can’t understand how someone could have the audacity to swipe an innocent child’s personal information and open fraudulent credit accounts in their name, but then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. I know of many situations where parents have opened accounts in their children’s name; they didn’t pay the bill, and their child spends the first few years of their adult life undoing their parent’s mistake.

Children and Teens are Easy Targets

Identity theft among children is more common than most people realize. In the past year I’ve stumbled upon many cases. There was the infant who owed a $600,000 mortgage loan; and a 14-year-old with more than $10,000 in credit card debt. Children are easy targets for brazen thieves. According to the Federal Trade Commission, approximately 400,000 children under the age of 18 have their identities stolen each year. Unlike adults, children have a clean slate; it’s much easier for thieves to open accounts, and in some cases, thieves don’t have to work hard to acquire a child’s personal information. Some children and teens willingly offer this information. Therefore, it’s important for parents to closely monitor their children’s activity and take steps to protect their identity.

Keeping Personal Information Secret

Thieves don’t need a lot of information to open a fraudulent account. In most cases, the only information they need is a birth date, full name, and Social Security number. Children should understand the importance of keeping this information private. It shouldn’t be revealed to anyone, including friends, relatives, teacher or other trusted adults.

Stop Pre-approved Credit Card Offers

In an effort to help their child build a solid credit history early, some parents make their children authorized users on their credit cards. This is a smart maneuver – if the parent maintains a good credit history. However, including a child’s name on a credit account can invite unwanted offers for lines of credit.

Everyone from mortgage companies to credit card companies will pre-approve the child for a credit account. These pre-approved offers can end up in the wrong hands, and if you’re not careful, your child can unknowingly carry several thousands of dollars of debt. Shred all credit offers, and call 1-800-5optout to have the child’s name removed from marketing lists.

Check Their Credit Report

Most parents don’t think to check their child’s credit report. But identity theft among children is a real problem, and it doesn’t take long for thieves to completely destroy a child’s rating. Order a copy of their credit report once a year, look for suspicious activity, and report fraudulent activity immediately. Also, consider paying a service to monitor the child’s credit. Companies such as Identity Guard and Life Lock send e-mail notifications when new accounts are opened, or when changes are made to existing accounts. Safeguarding your child’s identity is worth the monthly fee.

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Now that last year has drawn to a close, we’ll most likely begin to see retrospectives and remembrances of all the famous people who died. Each year at this time, the national preoccupation with loss brings me face to face with my own longing for those no longer present: A dear friend, an aunt, a colleague. What to do with the grief , the memories and pieces of ourselves that lie dormant? Over the years different practices have helped me and I am grateful to friends and family who have taught me by their own example.

Capture the Memories of Passed Loved Ones

Gather together with friends and family and retell the stories that connect you to those no longer with us. Don’t worry if not all the stories are flattering, it’s the sheer life in them that preserves. Pull out the photo albums, re-read the old letters. What was the joke he always got wrong? What was the story she loved to tell every year? Let the tears flow and the laughter heal.

Write Letters to Those Who Have Passed

Sometimes, when the feelings run too deep and the wound is too raw for collective reminiscing, I find letter writing to be an intimate and cathartic activity. Sometimes I write to the friend I lost. I want him to know what is happening in my life. I want to tell him what has happened in our world that I know would give him joy. Sometimes I write to my children so that they may learn about their special relative. I can share her impact in my life and convey to my children what would surely have been her wish for them. The letters don’t need an address. The writing is the tribute.

Pay it Forward

More than anything, I choose to recognize and honor the beliefs and values of those I have lost. I know no greater tribute than to live a life in which I share the gifts I have received. Passed loved ones have led me to create warm and welcoming celebrations, find my way to make the world a better place, and stay connected to family.

As my losses grow, so do the gifts I feel compelled to share.

If you’re feeling your own loss at this time of year, cherish it as a gift that will lead you to reconnect with what you hold dear.

[Photo by audreyjm529]

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I did not expect my heart to be won by a pizza mix. I appreciate the finer ingredients and my favorite meal is gourmet salad served with French bread dipped in olive oil. Eating a dubious cheese pizza prepared from a boxed mix might seem like a traumatic fall, but my heart had other priorities. A man willing to impress me by making an effort in the kitchen was a huge turn-on, especially since he added personal touches.

I admit to a limited history with men who cook. On special occasions, my father grilled on a hibachi, but never prepared side dishes. I learned to eat whatever he made with a side of pre-sliced bread and love it. When I worked as a chef, the owner cooked for his family almost every evening, but knowing that many of the top chefs were men and many of them also were the primary home cooks didn’t register with me at the time. I believed men in general married to gain a cook.

My man’s willingness to serve a chef pizza from a box made him special. He wasn’t trying to compete with me; sharing was his goal. One shared moment led to food samplings, intimacy and commitment. We might not be considered fully compatible, but his strengths complement mine and I am willing to share my private kitchen with him.

While there are no absolutes, there are a few variables for a sensual dinner that should always be considered.

Create That Sensual Meal

Find out or discover the guest’s favorites and definitely ask about food allergies. If a person is interested, the meal will be secondary, but making note and cooking for special preferences and needs shows attentive listening and that translates to wild appreciation. The man who won my heart adapts meals to my vegetarian tastes.

Food shouldn’t be extremely fussy, but it should look like it took some effort. Pre-made meals arranged on china works just as well as slaving all day in the kitchen. I was impressed with crust that needed to be formed, spread with sauce, covered with cheese and then sprinkled with vegetables before baking. When it came out of the oven, my emotions went all gooey like the cheese.

The menu should include some finger food to allow for sensual feeding. Pizza might not be the best idea for body shots, but when it was a little cooler, dangling a slice over my mouth really did make me feel sexy.

One caveat of any special meal is practice; don’t make a recipe for the first time when you want it to lead to love. The stress of making it and wondering how it will turn out probably won’t be conducive to the necessary mood.

A sensual meal triggers all the senses and focuses on pampering with china, silverware and wine glasses – even if the food is sandwiches and ginger ale. For the right occasion candles and music add another layer to the desire.

The success of any sensual meal is reaching the desired outcome, whether quiet time for two or hot intimacy. Any meal leading to such an ending is successful. The simple act of cooking for someone makes them feel special. Sharing food becomes an intimate preliminary.

The first dessert my man made me was chocolate dipped strawberries. He melted chocolate chips, dipped the strawberries and set them to cool. Perfect. For him I’d eat cardboard dipped in olive oil. Like all his meals, the thought counted more than the skill, and I admit my taste buds have an affinity for any food he makes – because he adds love as his special ingredient.

It’s just a bonus he’s willing to clean up when he’s done.

[Photo by jurassicjim]

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Before I moved to France, one of the biggest warnings I got was about “culture shock,” but I just laughed. It wasn’t as though I was leaving for a hut in a third world village without potable water. Whenever I had to deal with the post office closing at midday on Wednesday or Monoprix going on strike, I jokingly blamed it on culture shock, the ever invisible, ever looming bad guy. It wasn’t until I returned to North America that I actually experienced culture shock: suddenly jolted back into my old patterns, I finally realized how slowly and invisibly my attitude towards the simplest things had been changing. It all had to do with one thing: time.

How the French See Time

Time in France and time in America are not the same. In France, time is an approximate concept. “Sept heures” can mean fifteen or even twenty past seven. This tendency is just a symptom of the real difference between the two cultures: whereas the American culture is based on “faire,” to do, to achieve, to accomplish, to make, French culture is based on “être,” to be.

In America, we run our lives with day planners and calendars. We plan each minute of our days down to our twenty-five minute lunch breaks. In France, if it doesn’t get done today, it will get done tomorrow; if there is something better to do, your appointments are insignificant.

In America, when someone says they are going to run an errand that day, by the evening, it is assumed that it will have been accomplished. In France, you don’t worry so much. If the sun is out at noon, abandon any afternoon plans and sit down with a glass of wine with your lunch. If a festival is starting, or there is music playing in the center of town, then whatever it was will get done tomorrow. In America, there never seems to be enough time for anything. In France, time is plentiful.

The French don’t live by their watches, by their planners and by their calendars. In France, people know how to be.

Top Five Ways to “Be”

5. Lose the agenda. Take a day and leave your day planner behind: what do you want to do? See a movie? Take a walk? Forget about all the stuff you “should” be doing, and do exactly what you want.
4. Sit in a café. If you’re lucky enough to be in Paris, you can sit in a café over one cup of coffee all day without feeling guilty. If you’re in the States, it may be a little harder, but find a coffee shop that doesn’t mind, park yourself in a comfy chair with a good book, and lose yourself in the smell of freshly ground beans.
3. Take yourself out to dinner. Round up a couple of friends, and treat yourselves to a multi-course dinner with at least one bottle of wine. If funds are tight, just make it at home: have everyone bring one dish so that the hostess doesn’t feel overwhelmed, and stress things that can be served at room temperature so that you don’t have to worry about timing.
2. Take a trip in your own backyard. There are many festivals or markets going on, especially at this time of year. Do some research online and drive an hour or two out of your way to see something new.
1. Be alone. We’re so surrounded by people in our daily lives that sometimes it’s hard to take a moment alone to just breathe. Take a few minutes (preferably more) doing something you love all by yourself.

[Photo by mysza831]

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If you want to get ahead, you have to hit the books. That’s true in school, and probably even more so once you’ve graduated and nobody’s holding your hand anymore, telling you what to read and giving you good grades for it. Every endeavor or profession has its requisite reading material, but here’s a list of must-reads for success at anything.

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – It’s best to go ahead and get this one out of the way up front. Especially if you’re trying to make your foray into the business world, chances are this book has influenced anyone you’re trying to befriend or influence. It’s really intended to help people in sales and marketing, but these days a big part of success in anything, whether you’re an artist or a web programmer, is being able to promote yourself. It used to be called putting your best foot forward. Now it’s called “building your personal brand.” Whatever it is, this book will help you figure out how to do it.

2. The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho – This is a really great read, and quick, too. This fictional story of a young shepherd’s quest for his destiny isn’t written for professional success, but the personal inspiration you’ll feel after reading it could certainly be applied to your career. Achieving one’s personal best is a major theme of this book, as is the notion that what we want and what we need is not always the same thing. Americans put this book in the realm of literature, but the author is regarded as more of a self-help writer in his native Brazil. Po-tay-to/Po-tah-to. Whatever. I just know it’ll make you feel like you can do anything.

3. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey – Another old favorite, this book has been in print for nearly twenty years, with a sequel published in 2004. Many of the habits are not actual, physical actions, but rather a way of approaching situations. So it’s more about getting in the habit of in thinking certain ways than about, say, calling a certain number of people per week or doing something in particular with your hair. Habit #6: Synergize. Habit #7: Sharpen the Saw. Come on, you know you’re curious.

4. Elements of Style by Strunk & White – Okay, this is actually a reference book, not something you’d sit down and read, but you need to have this. It’s basically the answer to all those little grammar questions you have and that you might have learned in school had you been paying attention. Also, once again, it’s a book that everybody uses, which means if you take the suggestions in this book (short clear sentences, how to use a colon correctly, etc.) then most people will be on board with you.

You really need this if you consider yourself a budding writer. No matter what job you have, you’re probably going to have to write something to somebody – somebody who you don’t want thinking English is your second language. And if it is, even more reason to pick up this book, because English don’t make no kinda sense when you really look at it real good. (That was supposed to be a joke. Haha!) This skinny little book will give you the basics.

5. Anything from Oprah’s book club – No, all of her books aren’t about “success,” but the woman is, like, America’s guru. Millions of people read what she reads, so it’ll give you something to talk about and help you connect with people when you’ve got little else in common.

6. How to Become an Exceptionally Successful Young Person by Bahman Ghorashi – Okay, this book doesn’t have quite the reputation the others have. It’s a lot newer, and the reviews are mixed. Actually, they’re not mixed, it’s either that people love it or hate it. Meaning, they REALLY love it, or REALLY hate it. It probably boils down to what stage you’re at in life, but it’s worth at least checking out of the library. It’s included on this list because, well, that’s what many of us want: to be feel like success is right around the corner, not decades away at the end of a long career. The guy on the cover looks pretty pleased with himself. There’s a chance you might be, too, after 178 pages.

[Photo by Faeryan]

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Santa isn’t the only one with a list around this time of year. Holidays inspire reflection, and part of that reflection is often the reevaluation of our love lives. Single ladies and fellows may have a list this time of year; I’d like to encourage them to check it twice.

Creating That Soul Mate

At some point, most of us create a list – sometimes on paper, sometimes just in our heads. We brainstorm important qualities we value in a mate. Some lists are very detailed and arranged in order of priority, emphasizing must-haves and deal-breakers. They range from physical attributes to personal habits to religious beliefs. My list emphasized the concept that my dream man must be in the ballpark of my height and though he didn’t have to be a yogi, he had to be open to trying a class – he couldn’t be one of those guys who says yoga is for girls (those types of men seriously need to open up their heart charkas).

Don’t You Want Me, Baby?

My friend Tammie had an extensive list. Cuban, Mexican and Jewish, Tammie would prefer her future husband to both share her faith and speak Spanish. Also — she’d be thrilled if he wore glasses and fuzzy sweaters and had an appreciation for new wave 80’s pop. Over the years, we tried to find Tammie’s husband, resulting in many awkward dates with guys with names like Alejandro Greenberg and Guillermo Schwartz. Now in her thirties, she’s dating a Frenchman — not Jewish — but he adores her and she pointed out that after all, French and Spanish are both romance languages.

I’m not saying the list is a bad thing – If you know what you want in a companion, you won’t waste anybody’s time or break anyone’s heart looking for it. If a woman knows she doesn’t want children and she’s on a date with a guy whose biological alarm clock went off yesterday, it’s probably best for both parties to part ways – I’m suggesting that a list should be a rough draft. One shouldn’t stick so closely to it that they ignore a fantastic person right in front of them or miss an opportunity for love.

Making a List in Invisible Ink

Our lists will shift as we grow. My husband spent a good chunk of his twenties on tour with Phish. If someone pointed out a Phish fan when I was twenty-three, I would have turned up my nose. Ew, next. But now that I’m a semi-adult, I can see the bigger picture. Sadly, I haven’t developed an affinity for half hour live jams, buI love him as a complete person. I appreciate his generous nature, his creativity, his dry sense of humor, and the way he remembers to buy toilet paper and paper towels. He is my favorite yoga buddy.

I propose that single folks keep their lists, but write them in pencil. Or on a chalkboard. So as you grow and change, you can erase or add. Stay true to the must-haves and deal-breakers, but open up to other qualities.

As we become fuller people and appreciate our blessings in life, we may gain new perspective on and open up to different visions of happiness and love.

[Photo by sara.atkins]

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“Conditions for creativity are to be puzzled; to concentrate; to accept conflict and tension; to be born everyday; to feel a sense of self.” - Erich Fromm

Carrie says: A family. Space, as in a cottage and opportunity.  

Danielle says: Fuller generosity to myself, my circle, my world - I want to give more than I ever have! The courage to open more deeply. Pure art. Ten thousand beautiful moments - at least!  

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Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet — Vietnamese Proverb

I have been blessed with four gorgeous children: Three girls, Jaimie (almost six), Jordhan (four) and baby Sophie (six months) as well as a feisty little boy, Xander (two). Jaimie struggles with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

SPD is a neurological disorder where the brain takes in sensory messages from the environment through the sensory organs but can’t process them properly. Because Jaimie’s brain isn’t able to read these messages effectively, it can cause confusion and she can become overwhelmed.

The signature of SPD is a child’s highly sensitive senses, which make getting close to them quite challenging; especially for a little sister or brother who only wants to hang out with their older sister. Jaimie’s most sensitive areas are olfactory (smell) and tactile (touch). This means that a simple gesture of affection, such as a hug, can actually feel painful, and if you smell “funny” to her, she won’t let you get anywhere near her. So, how can a sibling relationship flourish with a child with special needs? Slowly, gently and with a lot of patience and love.

Allow me to share how we’ve helped our children develop close sibling bonds despite a barrier of sensory struggles.

Establish Building Blocks

Those of us with more than one child know that including the older sibling in the flurry of baby excitement often eases their anxiety. We got Jaimie to pick the outfits each of her younger siblings came home from the hospital in, and we encouraged her to talk to them while each of them were in my tummy and even got her to choose little things for their cribs.

One of the most precious moments was when we got Jaimie to “hold” Jordhan. She sat down in her foam Tigger chair and we put Jordhan in her lap. The picture we took of them together is framed and on Jaimie’s bookshelf. We didn’t even need to encourage her to do the same with Xander or Sophie—she asked to hold each of them.

Encourage Play In the Quiet Times

Jordhan rarely cried—which was a bonus for us—but when she did, Jaimie covered her ears with her hands and screeched. She couldn’t deal with Jordhan touching her unless she initiated it and couldn’t deal with Jordhan’s “baby smells”—not just the dirty diapers but also the smell of the formula, the drool-laced pacifier or even Jordhan’s natural smell.

One morning after Jordhan was clean, dry and baby powder fresh, I laid her down on a blanket then encouraged Jaimie to lay beside her. Jaimie was apprehensive at first but after while ventured over and laid down. Pretty soon she felt brave enough to touch and hold Jordhan’s little hands, play with her feet and even roll around with her. Jaimie even got Jordhan to giggle for the first time.

Encouraging siblings to be around one another in the quiet times—just enjoying each other’s company—is a wonderful way to develop and nurture the sibling bond.

Offering Comfort

Children have a natural instinct to comfort others. Sometimes if Jordhan fussed, and Jaimie’s symptoms weren’t too bad, Jaimie climbed up beside me and either rubbed Jordhan’s back or stroked her silky hair while rocking with me. When Jaimie helped me soothe Jordhan, it took no time at all to get Jordhan happy again. And Jordhan got to return the favor when she got a bit older.

Whenever Jaimie becomes too overwhelmed, Jordhan is the only one who Jaimie allows to get close enough to offer comfort. Most times, Jordhan is the only one Jaimie will allow to hug her. Jordhan will wrap her tiny arms around her big sister and say, “I here for you, Jaimie. No cry.”

Children don’t need to be prompted to be there for their siblings. They simply need to be encouraged to keep it going. This also helps children learn empathy for others and be respectful of other people’s feelings.

Teaching to Respect Boundaries

Children don’t always have the social or verbal expertise to express their needs. But we can show them how their actions affect their siblings so they begin to understand what to do—or what not to do—the next time. Becoming tuned to other people’s reactions to their actions also helps children learn to recognize social cues—which Jaimie has difficulty with. Practicing these skills with Jordhan, Xander and Sophie has helped her tremendously in other social situations.

Teaching Them To Use Their Voice

It’s a given that siblings will fight now and again. Parents can intervene when they hear volumes rise and assist in reaching a suitable agreement. But, after a while, siblings need to learn to work things out on their own. That means parents must step back once in awhile and let siblings try to resolve their own fight.

Jaimie explodes from serenity to rage in seconds and, once there, she’s difficult to bring back down. Usually if I start the resolution process with, “Jaimie, you need to lower your voice and explain to Jordy what’s wrong so she understands.” Jaimie will do her best to verbalize. Reminding them to use their voices—calmly—and talk things out gets them back to fun times soon enough.

Jaimie is almost six and a proud older sister. She’s practiced the skills she’s learned with Jordhan, Xander and Sophie and has since been brave enough to practice them with other children. For the first time in her life, she’s allowing herself to reach out and make friends.

Now, if you ask Jaimie who her best friends are, she’ll stand a little taller and say, “My bestest friends are Jenna across the street, Jordhan, Xander and baby Sophie. I love them.”

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It’s Friday night, and you’re off to check out that trendy new club downtown. Or maybe you’ve scored a first date with that hot new guy. Perhaps you’re planning to surprise your long-time lover with a sexy treat when he walks in the door.

No matter what you’ve got planned, if you have any brains at all you’re not running around at the last minute looking for the perfect outfit, or shoes that match those capris exactly. You’re not experimenting with your hair at a salon you’ve never tried before.

The secret to making a great impression is planning ahead.

Planning ahead is especially important when it comes to wine. Like your shoes, your cell phone, or that amazing Frida Kahlo on your wall, the wine you serve says a lot about you. Sure, you can rush to the store at the last minute and grab whatever the clerk says goes with nachos and steak or chicken dijon, but do you really trust some random hireling to make a style statement for you?

Stored properly, wine doesn’t spoil, and usually only improves with age. Good wines increase in value as they age, too, making them a good investment. Here are a few classy wines you can stock, with suggestions about when to pull them out:

Essential Red Wines

Beaujolais is a great all-around red wine. Fruity and fun, it’s the blue jeans of wine. You can’t go wrong with Georges Duboeuf, the largest producer of Beaujolais. His beautiful flower labels are easily recognizable in the wine shop. For ten dollars or less, you’ve got a great accompaniment to hamburgers, pizza, or any snack from cheese to cheez doodles.

Merlot is another must-have red: full-bodied, with flavors of berry and a hint of chocolate. Serve it with meat, pasta, stew, or hearty fish, like tuna. Marilyn Merlot, released every year on June 1 (Marilyn’s birthday), is a gorgeous example. The wine is as seductive as the label, which features a different image of the starlet every year. The 2005 vintage, released in 2008, goes for $27. (1985 is selling right now for $3800; 1989 for $3000. A bottle every year on your birthday might be a better investment than an IRA.)

Cabernet is the quintessential wine for steaks and roasts, feathered game, hearty risottos, and soft-ripened cheeses. Cabernets are huge, rich wines, with astringent tannins that will mellow with cellaring. Here are three ready to drink right now, but which will only improve with age. They’ll run you $40-70, but they’re worth every penny: 1998 Wynn’s “John Riddoch” (Coonawarra, South Australia); 2001 Clarendon Hills Hickinbotham Vineyard (Clarendon, South Australia); and 2001 Pride Mountain Vineyards (Napa).

Orin Swift “the Prisoner” is a very unusual blend of Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah, Petite Sirah and Charbono from California’s Napa Valley. Fruity, creamy, and silky, it’s good with cheese and chocolate. The 2005 vintage costs about $25.

Ok, so much for the reds. On to the whites.

Essential White Wines

Chardonnay is the world’s most popular white varietal: dry, bright, crisp, and citrusy. It’s great with grilled poultry and seafood, light pasta dishes, paella, risotto, and semi-soft cheeses. It’s so popular that some people turn their noses up at it. Surprise the heck out of your wine snob friends by serving what the world’s foremost wine critic, Robert M. Parker, Jr., calls “the finest New World Chardonnay available.” That would be Cartlidge & Browne Chardonnay, and surprisingly, it will only set you back about $10.

Riesling is a sweeter white, from a grape variety historically grown in Germany. The grapes are left on the vine for varying lengths of time; evaporation or even freezing concentrates the sugars. Riesling is a versatile wine for pairing with food, because of its balance of sugar and acidity. It can be served with white fish or pork, and is one of the few wines that pair divinely with Chinese, Indian, or Thai cuisine. A good choice here is Monchhof Riesling Spatlese Urziger Wurzgarten 2005, for around $21.

Ice wine is Riesling made from those frozen grapes. Serve it with fruit, pastry, or cheese such as cheddar, mascarpone, or brie. At $22 a bottle, Andrew Rich Gewurztraminer Ice Wine is a good choice.

Red, white, dry, sweet—wine choices can get a bit confusing. Fortunately, there’s one wine that goes with absolutely everything, and is fantastic all by itself. That, of course, is champagne. (Show your savvy by reserving that word to refer to bubbly from Champagne, the beautiful region of France. Everything else is “sparkling wine,” if you please.)

You can’t get hipper than Champagne Nicholas Feuillatte, a young brand which has rocketed to the fifth-largest seller in the world. Feuillatte pairs with a different young, modern artist every year and shows up at all the best places. The Brut NV (dry, non-vintage) is only around $25 a bottle. Or stock up on “One Fo(u)r Fun” quarter-bottles, which come in pink and blue with wrist ties. Put one at each place setting, or take along on a picnic. Too cute!

Cava is not champagne, but it’s made by the same method. This sparkling wine comes from Catalonia, Spain. At $5-10 a bottle, you can brush your teeth with the absolutely delicious Segura Viudas Brut Reserva Cava. Serve it with breakfast, lunch, dinner….take it along as a hostess gift….turn anything from friends dropping over to washing windows into a special occasion.

[Photo by jesiehart]

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The term Zodiac actually stems from Greek, meaning “Circle of Animals”. It’s also interchangeable with what is known in Western Astrology as a Sun Sign. What effect do these different characters have on you? Well, it can tell you a lot about yourself; help you recognize areas you may need to work on, give you direction towards potential careers, help you understand relationships, and empower you to make changes.

As humans we are the only species on Earth (that we know of) that looks up at the stars and wonders, or tries to consciously seek meaning and better ourselves. Determining and understanding your Sun Sign can give you invaluable insight into how you really work, how you may come across to others, how to better relationships and what you can do to keep healthy.

Look out each month for a new sign and new insight!

Capricorn (The Goat-Fish) Dec 21st - Jan 19th

Capricorn Quick Facts

Strengths: Ability to overcome obstacles
Weakness: Workaholic, not enough play
Colors: Dark brown, navy blue, dark green, charcoal grey and red
Element: Earth
Quality: Cardinal sign — which tends to make Capricorn restless, initiating changes and focused
Problem areas in body: Joints. Teeth and skin, sensitive skin, allergies and broken bones
Birthstone: Garnet - believed to help protect against accidents and falls
Lucky Stones: Moonstone, white onyx
Lucky Day of the Week: Saturday
Physical Activities: Jogging, running (especially cross country), golf, skating, wrestling, hunting, boxing, martial arts and weight lifting

Capricorn Personality

Capricorns never act their age — they always take the role of adult, even during childhood. It’s always hard to imagine what a Capricorn is thinking at any moment as they are not an emotional sign and rarely display bad tempers. You cannot call a Capricorn melodramatic, actually, they go the other way completely!

Capricorns are on a quest for authority and respect, they set high goals and have high expectations of the people around them. Capricorns are in essence an earth sign so they have stability on their side and oftentimes when they take what would seem reckless chances they are in fact very well thought out and controlled as much as possible. They are entrepreneurs at heart and are best put into a management or leadership position, however they have a tendency to expect others to follow their rules and often the phrase, ”I don’t practice what I preach” comes to mind with this sign. They work best in an environment that is secluded and away from noises and disturbances.

Capricorns are known for overcoming their obstacles; the goat really does fit them because pretty much from birth they work their butts off to make that slow steady climb to the top of the mountain.

They show themselves, much like the ram, to be aggressive, however many Capricorns lack the inner self-confidence which causes them to be defensive when being critiqued or criticized. They consider their emotions to be a weakness and so will work doubly hard to keep them down so that others around them do not sense any fear or uncertainty. Also they will often let their ambitions get the best of them and push everyone else out of the way without another thought.

Being the tenth house or sign of the zodiac explains Capricorn’s preoccupation with that what others think of them. They are constantly seeking respect and approval from all and have a tendency to be overly critical of themselves.

Many Capricorns (which is ruled by Saturn) have a tendency to become materialistic and lose the sense that something else is out there. This is where balance needs to come into play for a Capricorn.

Capricorn Health and Exercise

This sign rules over bones, so they need to be aware of bone diseases, rheumatism and joint problems (the knees are particularly common with Capricorns). Skin issues such as eczema, and psoriasis are also common.

The Capricorn’s need to prove themselves and in turn overworking needs to be balanced with enough play, their tendency to not incorporate enough fun time actually drags them down and can in fact cause their immune systems to fail them. It is not uncommon for Capricorns to have continuous ill feelings and colds. Stomach upsets are also common in this sign when stress becomes too much. There are some great physical activities out there for Capricorn, as they feel best when they are in competition or reaching a goal. They love exercises such as jogging, and running (especially cross country), golf, skating, skiing, wrestling, and boxing. Anything that makes them feel powerful.

Capricorn Relationships

[Each of the twelve signs have potential for love with each other. Other factors are their Mars (desires) and Venus (love) signs, Ascending sign etc. So please do not base your whole relationship on your sun sign!]

Capricorns really gel with: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, and Pisces. They are interested in the personalities of Aries, Leo and Libra. And although they may want to get along with, the compatibility just isn’t there with Gemini, Sagittarius and Aquarius. Cancers present a sexual attraction but it seems to be more of a lusting than an actual love.

Capricorns are cautious by nature, fearful of rejection and emotional pain. They need to size up their potential mate and really understand how everything ticks before they can even think about going into a relationship. They are more likely to be in a relationship for an extended period of a few years before even thinking about marriage, insecure about the relationship until their mate proves that they will be there no matter what.

When you have a Capricorn mate, you really luck out; they are completely loyal and devoted to you and the relationship. They are not spontaneous personalities and that reflects in their relationships, they bring a steadiness to the romance.

Cap’s are not ones to forgive and forget so you need to be aware of that in a relationship with them. They are very big on protecting themselves and so if hurt in a relationship they will pull away and most often become very vindictive. If you have broken the heart of a Capricorn there will be hell to pay. A lot of the pain coming from the Cap over a break up may stem from their need for a perfect relationship and their over-ambitiousness pursuit of that. They rarely offer second chances for reconciliation, moving right on to the next relationship. However, if married, Capricorns are very cautious and you may not see as many issues in a Cap marriage than in marriages in the other signs.

[Photo by coda]

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